Just a Phase.

My blogging has been lacking and truthfully it's my fault. I have this problem with over filling my life with things and then running around like a crazy person trying to accomplish them all. People often tell me that they're impressed with all the things I juggle but the truth is, I don't. In fact, I'm a terrible juggler. If you lived with me you'd see that my dishes aren't done, that there's laundry on the floor in almost every room and that we got take out for dinner at least 4 times this month already.

I go through this "transition phase," with every baby I think. It takes me quite awhile to admit that I have to cut some things out of my priorities list now that things are different. I'm pretty stubborn and even though I know it ahead of time, I still try to keep "doing it all," for months until I finally swallow my pride. I'm approaching that phase now.

Life with the littles is amazing and exhausting. Especially for one as particular as me. I hate that my kitchen/living room isn't straightened up when I go to bed. I hate that I haven't prepared a beautiful meal in months. I hate that I'm still barely running a 5k even 6 months after giving birth.

But you know what I love?

Listening to Owen tell me about his day.
Watching June "dance," with her princess figurines.

Snuggling up to Rand's squishy cheeks.

Seeing Tim's scooter come up the driveway.

The fact that I'm still kicking, even on 4 hours of sleep.

Oh, and cookies. Always room for cookies.

I may not be able to do it all, but I definitely feel like I have it all.

Love & Marriage.

Normally Tim and I are pretty traditional. Since year one we've given each other the "traditional anniversary," themed gifts. It started getting old. We realized we were just gathering things we didn't really like or want just because it was "metal," or "linen," or what-have-you. The past few years we have really come to understand how low key we are and noticed that the things we loved best about our anniversaries was the time we had together, not the gifts. (Though some were pretty cool, I must say) Every anniversary that we've been on Saipan we've gone on a hike together before exchanging gifts and this year we decided that would be our tradition for anniversaries from now on. 

We chose an easy and quick hike but it was beautiful and solitary and we loved it.

In my mind my real life started the day I met my husband. It sounds nuts but I knew deep down I would marry him, even on our first meeting when I was young and stupid and he was dating someone else. Everything I am today I owe to him and my Savior. Before Tim my life, though good at times, was mainly rough and rocky. He taught me how to live again, how to love myself and how to rise to my potential. The day we were married I was so happy. I had visions of our happy life together and it looked amazing. I knew life with him would be amazing, but this---this is much, much more. 

I love you Tim. Much more than you'll ever know.

Nostalgia.

A few months ago June had been pretty grumpy and I was running out of ideas to keep her occupied. I tied an apron on her and told her I needed her help to wash dishes. We did all of them together, and it took forever but she stuck with me. Soapy bubbles are magic for this girl. It warmed my heart. And not just because she looks so tiny in my apron but because I had seen this somewhere before.

My mother did the same thing with me. And I remember it. I remember feeling like I was SUCH a big help as I covered dishes in bubbles. The more the better, right? We would sing songs the entire time and to this day it's one of my favorite memories. We did it often but we only have one photo of it. I'm so grateful for this photo. It speaks so well to the reasons why I love photography so much. These little things in life will someday be the big things and I want to remember them all.

She may look like her Father but she still has a little of me in her.
And I love that.

Jungle Shoot

Recently during a workshop I was given some advice: to do a shoot just for me. Not for anyone else. Full creative freedom to capture whatever I want, wherever I want; to take risks and go with any crazy ideas I had. Immediately I complied a list of shoots I wanted to do by the end of the year. Some were normal and some were totally crazy. I decided to start with one that was just a tad bit crazy and this is what came out.

 

We got cut by Noni leaves, chased by hornets and even got my car stuck out in the jungle for a bit, but it was so, so worth it. My love for photography has just been reignited and I couldn't be more excited about it.

It's Twilight Time.

And not as in Edward & Bella. I'm talking Nat King Cole crooning, "Twilight Time," with this glorious sunset as a backdrop as we swim near wild banana trees kind of Twilight Time. It's always been my favorite time of day no matter where we are. The sun as it sets, the shadows it creates, the warm glow that turns everything to gold. I remember begging to stay outside and watch this golden effect even as a kid and my love for it has remained almost three decades later.

And I guess that's the lesson I needed to hear. Wherever we live the sun will rise and set. We will still get that golden light. It may not be Saipan, but it will be a new home with new possibilities and new sunsets to watch our children grow through. Until then, I'm going to enjoy every golden hour I can before it moves.

Aboard the Jade Lady III.

Tim is the hardest to get gifts for. (Aren't all men?) He always gets me the most thoughtful things and I'm left with this guilt of feeling like I never get him anything cool. (Anyone see that Parks & Rec?) This Fathers Day I kept it a secret and whisked him on a sunset dinner cruise aboard the Jade Lady III. We had talked about going for years now and just never got around to it. It was a little different than we expected but we had a great time.

Highlights:

-Live Music

-Bottomless Sprite

-Amazing Sunset

-Steak AND brownies

-Dancing

-Laughing until our sides hurt when a little boy requested, "Gangham Style," and he totally played it! Even funnier, the little boy and his sister danced to it the entire time.

-Watching a couple who had gotten married on the boat that day dance to a Japanese Wedding song. 

-Slow dancing with Tim.

-Getting the best picture of the two of us in YEARS.

-Watching all the tourists and their crazy dance moves after their 4 or 5 beers.

-Stealing kisses in front of some very conservative Koreans.

-Pretending I was Kate Winslet on the Titanic.

-The YMCA dance ending. Definitely went out with a bang.

Golden Hour.

Tim's main request for Father's Day was to go to the beach. The kids ended up taking a late nap so we didn't have time to swim but we stayed long enough to play and take in the scenery. The children happily played in the sand and water while Tim and I talked about how lucky we are to live here. How lucky we are to have each other, this family we're building and so much love in our lives.

 I knew I loved my husband the day I married him but seeing him as a Father has opened my heart to an even bigger capacity of love. He's very quiet about it usually but I hear it. Like the other night when we were trying to figure out how to keep June from wandering into the fridge at night and eventually onto the couch where we'd have to carry her to bed at 10pm I suggested we maybe close her door. His answer so simple but so sweet. He quietly said he didn't want to do that because he didn't want her to feel trapped or afraid. He didn't want her alone in her room and scared. Heart melted. 

Or a few days ago when I was in full nesting mode and started painting the walls. He helped me do two walls and then said, "Is it okay if we save the rest for later? I think the kids feel ignored." Then he took us out for pizza as a family. 

I hope he knows how special a Father he is. I hope he knows how much the kids adore him. I hope he knows how my heart has grown watching him with our children. I make sure to tell him often but I hope he really knows it.

Happy Father's Day Tim. We love you oh, so much.