bebe.

I'm just going to come right out and say it. I'm baby hungry. And since my poor husband has to hear about it weekly, possibly even daily, I figured I could open up the dam of what I've been thinking and just let it all out.

I realize it's probably irrelevant to everyone else out there but I get a real sense of relief when I read about other mothers with the same ideas running around their heads. When I know it's not just me-- that's when I know I'm not crazy.

I've always wanted kids. And once the sheer number of Tim's HUGE family stopped overwhelming me I fell in love with the idea of a big(ish) family. (*I am in NO WAY capable of having twelve--bless Maureen's heart!) There were three (plus my wonderful half sisters) in our family and I remember we wanted another brother so badly. We'd pray for one in our family prayers and finally my parents had to break it to us that they were done. They would've loved to have more but reality was that they couldn't. This news didn't stop us from praying and hoping that we would get a magical baby brother. Heck, we were kids, we still believed in Santa Claus so why not a miracle baby brother? He never did come of course but even as a kid I wanted a bigger family.

Our number of "potential" kids in our minds is always changing as I'm sure it does for every couple. When we first got married it was five. After we had Owen it was two. (ha!) Now I want five again. It was a mere 8 months after he was born I had the itch to have another. I thought I was crazy! (So did Tim) Immediately after giving birth to Owen and feeling (quite literally) like I had been run over by a train, I vowed I'd never do it again. My brain just couldn't fathom going through that again. We could always adopt, right?

But here I was, just 8 months later and I just couldn't shake the feeling of baby hunger. After a few more months of trying to get Tim on board we decided we would try again after he graduated (which was about a year later). Just days after we found out I was already pregnant. It was definitely a whirlwind. (And a confirmation that I was, once again, RIGHT! Ha! :-) )

Owen and June are just 19 months apart. Living in a tiny two bedroom apartment (in which June quickly kicked us out into the living room) and a move across the ocean, I was content with the two we had. I definitely had my hands full and the more Tim talked of the benefits of only having two (no minivans!) I started to think I might be content with that.

That is until I started getting sleep again. :-) It seems to always happen that way for me. As soon as our youngest starts sleeping through the night, you can bet a week or so later I'll be thinking about having another.

So here we are. June will be two years old next month and I'm so baby hungry it's insane. I miss being pregnant and feeling little baby kicks. I miss scouring family geneology for potential names. I miss baby clothes and tiny features. I even miss labor if you can believe it! (Well, June's labor, Owen's was a totally different story) And while there will be things I'm sure to complain about if I do get pregnant (not being able to run as much, getting HUGE, pregnancy boobs, no sleep, the inability to see my toes, incessant flatulence etc.) I am now, more than ever before, so so so so SOOO baby hungry.

Perhaps I'm just living in a fantasy world. Either way, I'm glad I got that off my chest. :-)