a + d

Epiphany.

We've lived in Saipan for more than three years now and have been aware of a sort of magic here. All this time I couldn't put my finger on exactly what made Saipan feel so special but I finally figured it out. Life here is simple; it's laid back and calm, and ultimately it makes it so much easier to focus on the important things.

That's the magic of Saipan.

There's no unspoken pressure to fit in, no Target to lure us into buying things we don't need, no Martha Stewart catalogs to try to emulate. Our walls are uncurated, our wardrobe full of t shirts and we eats bananas all year long. We have nothing to prove to anyone because everyone is just so accepting here. There's no pressure to be anyone but yourself. You're not constantly caught up in the hustle and bustle of "busy life." You sit by the beach and watch the waves crash, you eat outside on your doorstep to watch the sunset, you collect sea glass and shells with the kids and you just enjoy the moment.

I've never felt so free as I do here in Saipan. Sure we don't have Walmart or Target or any kind of one stop shopping. We don't have big shopping malls or theme parks or even real street addresses-- heck, half the world won't even ship here. But it's that kind of simplicity that forces you to go back to the basics. I've learned how to make countless things from scratch, I fix things instead of buying a new one, I read books with my kids because we don't have cable, I don't wear makeup except to church, I live. I really, truly live.

Every place has it's good and it's bad but Saipan will always be in my heart. I've never felt such a deep seeded sense of home and self freedom as I do here. It's going to be bittersweet these last 10 months we spend here but I will never, ever forget it. Viva Saipan, and viva island living.

Just a Phase.

My blogging has been lacking and truthfully it's my fault. I have this problem with over filling my life with things and then running around like a crazy person trying to accomplish them all. People often tell me that they're impressed with all the things I juggle but the truth is, I don't. In fact, I'm a terrible juggler. If you lived with me you'd see that my dishes aren't done, that there's laundry on the floor in almost every room and that we got take out for dinner at least 4 times this month already.

I go through this "transition phase," with every baby I think. It takes me quite awhile to admit that I have to cut some things out of my priorities list now that things are different. I'm pretty stubborn and even though I know it ahead of time, I still try to keep "doing it all," for months until I finally swallow my pride. I'm approaching that phase now.

Life with the littles is amazing and exhausting. Especially for one as particular as me. I hate that my kitchen/living room isn't straightened up when I go to bed. I hate that I haven't prepared a beautiful meal in months. I hate that I'm still barely running a 5k even 6 months after giving birth.

But you know what I love?

Listening to Owen tell me about his day.
Watching June "dance," with her princess figurines.

Snuggling up to Rand's squishy cheeks.

Seeing Tim's scooter come up the driveway.

The fact that I'm still kicking, even on 4 hours of sleep.

Oh, and cookies. Always room for cookies.

I may not be able to do it all, but I definitely feel like I have it all.

Love & Marriage.

Normally Tim and I are pretty traditional. Since year one we've given each other the "traditional anniversary," themed gifts. It started getting old. We realized we were just gathering things we didn't really like or want just because it was "metal," or "linen," or what-have-you. The past few years we have really come to understand how low key we are and noticed that the things we loved best about our anniversaries was the time we had together, not the gifts. (Though some were pretty cool, I must say) Every anniversary that we've been on Saipan we've gone on a hike together before exchanging gifts and this year we decided that would be our tradition for anniversaries from now on. 

We chose an easy and quick hike but it was beautiful and solitary and we loved it.

In my mind my real life started the day I met my husband. It sounds nuts but I knew deep down I would marry him, even on our first meeting when I was young and stupid and he was dating someone else. Everything I am today I owe to him and my Savior. Before Tim my life, though good at times, was mainly rough and rocky. He taught me how to live again, how to love myself and how to rise to my potential. The day we were married I was so happy. I had visions of our happy life together and it looked amazing. I knew life with him would be amazing, but this---this is much, much more. 

I love you Tim. Much more than you'll ever know.

Nostalgia.

A few months ago June had been pretty grumpy and I was running out of ideas to keep her occupied. I tied an apron on her and told her I needed her help to wash dishes. We did all of them together, and it took forever but she stuck with me. Soapy bubbles are magic for this girl. It warmed my heart. And not just because she looks so tiny in my apron but because I had seen this somewhere before.

My mother did the same thing with me. And I remember it. I remember feeling like I was SUCH a big help as I covered dishes in bubbles. The more the better, right? We would sing songs the entire time and to this day it's one of my favorite memories. We did it often but we only have one photo of it. I'm so grateful for this photo. It speaks so well to the reasons why I love photography so much. These little things in life will someday be the big things and I want to remember them all.

She may look like her Father but she still has a little of me in her.
And I love that.

Jungle Shoot

Recently during a workshop I was given some advice: to do a shoot just for me. Not for anyone else. Full creative freedom to capture whatever I want, wherever I want; to take risks and go with any crazy ideas I had. Immediately I complied a list of shoots I wanted to do by the end of the year. Some were normal and some were totally crazy. I decided to start with one that was just a tad bit crazy and this is what came out.

 

We got cut by Noni leaves, chased by hornets and even got my car stuck out in the jungle for a bit, but it was so, so worth it. My love for photography has just been reignited and I couldn't be more excited about it.